BrendanW 
Ah yes, another videogame movie. When will Hollywood ever learn, right? Why is the adaptation of console-to-screen such a difficult one that yields unpleasant results nearly every single time? A video game and a film are two incredibly different mediums with very different sets of expectations so it can be one of the most difficult things to try and adapt for the big screen. We have seen it fail in monumental fashion as in The Super Mario Bros, Street Fighter and D.O.A. among countless others. We have seen it achieve a modicum of success like with Mortal Kombat or even the modest box-office take of Angry Birds. We have not once seen a genuinely great video game movie though. And guess what, folks? This one ain’t starting that trend!
The film tells the story of assassins trying to protect Eden’s Apple, which can grant someone the ability to control free will and basically have everyone as a slave. Fassbender plays death row inmate Cal Lynch and right as he is about to be put to death, an organization called Abstergo Industries which is comprised of the evil Templars who want the Apple for themselves. They hook up Cal to a device known as the Animus, which will transport him into the body of one of his ancestors in the 15th century. There he will be expected to retrieve the Apple so that the Templars may discover where it is being kept and so they can have access to its power. My apologies if I made it sound remotely interesting in any way, shape or form.
After I got back from the theatre, I sat in front of my computer for a good half hour with just a blank screen. I had no idea what to write about and I had forgotten most of what had occurred in the movie I literally just finished watching. That is one of its biggest problems. It is entirely forgettable. This is also coming from someone who never played the game a great deal (I was never a big fan of the series) and mostly watched this from a film-only perspective. However, my friend that watched it with me is a huge fan of the series and a much bigger gamer than I and yet also thought it was a giant waste of time. What can I say about a movie in which I didn’t give a single solitary shit about any of the plot developments nor did I care about any of the paper-thin characters involved.
Can you blame the acting? Not really. Michael Fassbender is an amazing performer and he does probably the best he could have possibly done with the material he was given. Fassbender is not known for doing bad movies and even The Light Between Oceans, which was released earlier this year and was met with mixed reviews, was pretty darn good as far as I’m concerned. Do we care about Fassbender’s character in the film? No, not at all. We learn quite early on that he witnessed his father taking his mother’s life (which we only understand why later on in the film in one of the many dull reveals) and that he is later put on Death Row for killing a pimp but we never go back to that idea and it is very blatantly shoe-horned into the script.
They want to make us care about Fassbender and make us not see him as an evil criminal so that’s the best they could come up with? It doesn’t factor into ANYTHING. Jeremy Irons also shows up to collect a paycheck and that’s it. I love the guy but he clearly doesn’t care and is just sleepwalking through the part. I can’t say that I blame him. The other acting heavyweight in the film is Brendan Gleeson, who plays Fassbender’s father and also looks completely bored. Marion Cotillard is in this too and I don’t know why… like, do you even care? Ugh.
The action sequences are okay but the biggest problem with them are the constant cuts between these lavish scenes set in the medieval ages with scenes involving Fassbender hooked up to the Animus acting out these scenes as holograms whiz by. I understand that the film needs to show us both sides when the action is occurring but they cut back and forth THROUGHOUT and frequently more than is necessary. Establish it a few times and get out, as they say. The CGI is also quite distracting and can be pretty awful at times. I understand that the presence of the giant eagle has something to do with the video game (don’t e-mail me; I don’t care) but we also get about 8,000 shots of it and it looks putrid every single time.
Don’t bother with this turd. Play the game instead or go outside. GO OUTSIDE AND LEARN. Just go watch Moana again.
RATING: *
Rating System:
* (Brutal; the worst rating)
** (Some elements keep it from being awful but still not very good)
*** (Completely watchable; a rental as old-timers might say)
**** (Great film with a few things here and there keeping it from being perfect)
***** (Flawless; a true achievement)
